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Introduction

I talk with a lot of people, and - possibly as a consequence - I am asked this question on a fairly regular basis: why don't people join the church? On the basis of no formal research whatsoever, but simply looking back at conversations over the past decade or two, it seems to me that there are three main reasons, all relating to massive cultural changes which have happened in comparatively recent times. But, alongside these 'public' reasons, when we have the opportunity for a quieter, more private conversation, there are three more reasons which are often shared.

The three main public reasons:

They have no reason to consider it
They find the church offensive
They don't join anything

And three common private reasons:

I have out-grown it
I have been hurt
I might go to church, but...

As I say, these are things I have frequently been told, but the people I talk with are not a random sample of the population: I don't claim they are representative in any significant way. Please feel free to provide other perspectives in the comments.

One last observation: I find it significant that, while hardly anyone outside the church has anything good to say about the church, hardly anyone outside the church has anything but admiration and respect for Jesus of Nazareth. I know it has been said many times before, but perhaps, if the church looked a bit more like Jesus, people might like the look of the church a bit more.

Public

They have no reason to consider it

We no longer live in an age where going to church is expected of all respectable people.
Many people follow a different religion, or have devised their own set of beliefs.
The Christian church is only one of a vast number of religious and spiritual options available today.
Every religion and belief system claims to be the 'best' or 'only' way.
We can live happily and peacefully without any externally imposed belief system.

They find the church offensive

The church has been responsible for many atrocities, such as the Crusades and the Inquisition.
Christians have been fighting and killing each other for centuries.
The church is full of self-righteous hypocrites.
The church covers it up when Priests commit child abuse.
The church discriminates against women.
The church is abusive to the gay and trans communities.

They don't join anything

I just want to keep my head down, care for my family and enjoy being with my friends.
Membership of any club is about what works here and now, not a life-long commitment.
Why should I commit to something when I don't know what is coming down the line?
When I buy a subscription, I like to know what I'm getting for my money.

Private

I have out-grown it

I can't read a bunch of fairy-stories and take them seriously.
Nobody believes in supernatural mumbo-jumbo any more.
The Bible is full of mistakes and contradictions.
I believe in science and things which can be proved.
I can't believe in a Devil with a tail and pitchfork roasting people over the flames.
The suffering in this world proves there is no all-powerful loving God.
I can't believe that a God of love would decide to torment people for ever.
I am not so insecure that I need to be assured that an old Man in the sky is looking out for me.
I know I'm not perfect, but I'm not going to waste my life agonising over that fact.
We can't know what will happen after we die, I'm not going to waste my life worrying about it.

I used to go to church

I used to accept what I was taught, until I recognized there no evidence for any of it.
I could not connect the wonderful words we spoke with the mundane life we lived.
I had to stop going for a while for some reason, and nobody missed me or asked how I was.
I was sick and the Pastor didn't visit me.
The church would not accept my life choices.
People in the church were dishonest and abusive.
People talked about the 'presence of God' but I feel more on the dance floor, or walking in the woods.
People in my new social group are much more loving and accepting.

I might go to church, but

I probably won't know what to do, what to say, when to stand and kneel.
I won't know anybody there.
I'm not the right sort of person.
I have not been invited.

Articles

Why Don't People Join the Church?